It has been over a month since we found out that our little peanut passed away.
It still feels like we still have so many unanswered questions. The hardest one being that we'll never know what happened. We'll never know why this happened. We'll never know if the baby was a boy or a girl. It's hard not having that closure.
It has hit me pretty hard lately. I have quite a few friends that's due around the same time I was. They're all finding out the genders and posting belly pictures. Although I am incredibly happy for them, it's just hard to not be able to go through all of that with them.
I was so excited to have a itty bitty baby to hold again. I was really excited about nursing-I was going to try my hardest to nurse as long as baby would let me this time around. I was excited to see the girls with the baby-Samantha has been around a few babies recently and she's so sweet with them. I was excited for welcoming the baby into our amazing family. I was excited for all the smiles and laughter that comes with a brand new baby. I was excited for the cute little clothes. I was excited for labor and having that insanely beautiful moment when baby arrives. So many things I was so excited for and it all just got taken from me-like that!
I have been a little stressed out lately. Seth and I have recently talked about trying for another. He said he would like to have one more. And he'd like to start trying again soon. But he said it's completely up to me on what I wanted to do. I'm really not sure what I want to do. I hate that everything is getting put on me. I hate to think about seeing that disappointed look on Seth's face if I don't want to try again. He's such a wonderful Daddy that he deserves a million kids! I just wish I knew what to do. I'm hoping God will help us make the right decision.
As of right now, I'm trying to move forward and I'm just enjoying my time with my beautiful girls and my amazing husband! I was so sick for about 4 months that I wasn't really able to do much of anything with them all and I missed them so, so much!!!
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Love you! There's no rush to try again. But I will say, having Noah after our loss, and knowing that we wouldn't have him otherwise was helpful in healing. I don't think I'll ever be 'over it' but every time I get down about it, I look at Noah and just feel a little better.
ReplyDeleteHugs!! I never hurried to try again and now (years later) I am still glad I took the time I did. Your so sweet and thoughtful. Prayers that HE will guide you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, ladies!!
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